For a long long time, I’ve gone through a period of feeling creatively burned out and disconnected from my inner self… The little part of me, that no matter how hard I try, seems to run farther and farther away. Perhaps I’ve scared it away with my doings, worries, thoughts, insecurities, fears and silly beliefs. Every now and then I find myself reminiscing about the “good ol’ days” of my youth when I truly lived and embraced every tiny moment, whether it be of laughter or tears, when I was fearlessly following my heart, when I felt things deeply and lived freely.

Every now and then I find myself looking through old writings, old letters, old photographs, old songs, old memories…. Because in them I find a little comfort and peace during times of uncertainty and emptiness. Because deep down I know I’ve always longed for that little part of me, my inner child, my inner artist… I have always longed to set it free. And now I am finally setting it free… I hope.

Yesterday, after long stressful days of writing reports and assessments, I watched Perfect Days, a movie that Linh recommended. The movie is the perfect message of reassurance for me right at this time. I know Linh felt the same when she said “it’s such a comfort, isn’t?”.

Today, as I lay on the grass reading Compassion in Action, I felt a deep sense of love and connection. For the first time in my life, I could feel the presence of the spirit in everything I see and touch. I realized that not only living things or the things I love but all things have a soul or spirit. They are all my friends—the trees, the flowers, the clouds, the sand, the rocks, the traffic light, the moon, the sky, the shadows of the night, and the ocean.

Tonight, I received an email that perhaps wanted to test my “readiness” and what I have learned from reading Compassion in Action. I know it was not a coincidence. But should I just go with the flow? I’m not sure yet… :<

And these are some snapshots of today’s little delights (finally, after years of procrastination, I decided to resume my logbook of delights inspired by Ross Gay)

2024.04.14